I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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