I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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