Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
