it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
