i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
