im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
