dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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