stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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