i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
