Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
