you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
