So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
