He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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