My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am spending my child support on dildos
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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