Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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