im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
