i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
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