I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
