Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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