you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
as a side note pls kill me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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