After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize