i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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