hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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