I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
