Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
