dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
