yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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