You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think your dad took our porno
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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