I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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