K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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