Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
