Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
