You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
