if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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