Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
