I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
