NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
