dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We are two peas in an std pod
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize