Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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