I'm drive I can fine osifer
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
