i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she woke up with a sticky ear
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
