Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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