so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
