just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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