Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
