I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
be right there i have to get my cape
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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