ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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