this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
