I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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