i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
