she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
