I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize