While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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