sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
