Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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