he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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