He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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