I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
