remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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