My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
