mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
