I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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