I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
