I love black thongs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
