Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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