after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
