a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so explain again why im purple
no
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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