You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
