just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
