New invention idea: vibrating tampons
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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