remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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