But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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