Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
