I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
