somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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