I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
