shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
