I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
