"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I forgot how hot balto sounded
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
