i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so much tequila, so little girl.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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