she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
